


Hocus Patronus

by mythikology



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Abusive Family, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, Harry Potter AU, M/M, Multi, Slow Build, kei isn't as bitter as people believe, kuroo has a bad memory, kuroo is bad at the OWLS, mentioned bokuaka, mentioned kenhina - Freeform, mentioned oikage, mentioned yamayachi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-09
Updated: 2016-04-09
Packaged: 2018-05-27 22:41:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6303028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mythikology/pseuds/mythikology
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Life has a funny way of hiding the things you need and want in plain sight, but life isn't always cruel, is it?</p><p>-</p><p>Tsukishima Kei's adventures in finding the boy that saved him when he was younger and Kuroo Tetsurou's quest to figure out his feelings and why his heart won't stop beating so fast around his favorite underclassman.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Intro

**Author's Note:**

> Agh! My first works for this fandom and ofc it has to be KuroTsuki!~
> 
> My main otp besides DaiSuga and others, of which are in other fandoms.
> 
> Hope you enjoy, kudos and comments are highly appreciated!~
> 
> Anyways, I plan to keep this story around 5 – 9 chapters but maybe more depending.

It was cold. The cool, chilly air biting at Kei's cheeks and nose as he moved along the greenery in the forest behind his home. Pulling his creme, woolen scarf higher along his face, he now covered his mouth and nose and looked up at the night sky, eyes sullen and puffy.

Kei, a mere eight year old, was out in the night. The loud screaming that resonated through the small house, the sound of glass shattering against the wall or floor and the defeated sobs that were distinctly female were more than enough to inform him and his brother that their perfect family, wasn't so perfect.

Akiteru, however, was not home. The boy was away at Hogwarts, something Kei could only dream of happening in four years, maybe three if he was skilled enough. The two boys had known of magic from a young, having lived in Hogsmeade for so long and in a pure - blooded wizard family made things easier.

Kei sighed softly, hands shoving farther into his pockets as he tried getting rid of the thoughts of his home, of his family and walked further into the thickery. The moon was veiled by a thick group of clouds, slowly were the moving across the sky. Each step he took left a crunch in the crisp, freshly fallen snow that lay on the ground and Kei even had flecks of white in his hair, the white substance not even showing up in his pale hair.

Kei quietly held a hand out, watching the small crystals land on pudgy fingers before disappearing into cool water. Lips set into a slight pout, the boy swallowed hard and shit his eyes tightly, hand clenching into a fist that he hoped would crush the imperfections of his family. He just wanted things to go back to how they were when he was younger, even younger than he was. He hadn't been dealt a bad hand in life, no, he lived comfortably, but when your parents are fighting so much they barely notice you're missing, something may be wrong. Kei was lost in the woes of his life, truly.

Then, he heard it.

Loud groaning, a cacophony of moaning and Kei felt a shiver run up his spine. He knew that sound from the movies, from how many times he'd watched that 8 - part documentary on Harry Potter. He froze, his back to them as he continued walking, acting as if he never heard them in the first place. Maybe if he ignored them, or if he didn't tell himself they were real, they'd disappear and leave him alone.

This was not the case, however, because the dementors thrived for souls and Kei, however much he wanted to deny it, had a soul.

He almost turned around, but was forced around by some ethereal force, head turned up to be met with an ugly, desolated face. The groaning grew louder as Kei felt his soul be separated from his own body, a silent scream leaving his lips. His eyes widened and there were tears in his eyes, chest and face pulled forward while his limbs were behind him, wishing his death would be faster.

His tiny body could almost not keep up, having been currently on the ground and now in the air a second later. Kei could feel the cold, rugged things the dementors called fingers curl around his neck, holding his body suspended in the air.

The pain was like no other, not like the pain of being hit by his father, not like the pain from being alone so many nights, not like the pain of watching everything he loves slip from his tiny, pudgy fingers.

Then his body dropped, two words left someone else's lips had saved him and preserved whatever life he wouldn't have had, had the dementor killed him.

"Expecto patronum!"

The words were spoken with a nasally voice, as if the speaker were still quite young and not much older than the blond boy himself, yet spoken with a sense of confidence.  Kei lifted his head as high as he could with what strength he had left, only making out a translucent and pale blue cat hissing at the dementors, protecting the pale haired boy from his soul getting sucked out of his body.

He couldn't remember anything else besides passing out and waking up the next day, still in the woods, with a piece of a paper on a rock beside him.  He'd read the note quickly, the handwriting that of a child's, but still very sophisticated in a sense. However, Kei'd walked home as if nothing had happened, leaving the note and not even paying attention to the rising sun.

'for your own safety, i'd recommend you not walk in these woods anymore~'

[ Four Years Later ]

The blond boy was silent, hands in his robe pockets and a pair of headphones wrapped around his neck as he glanced around the base of the stairwell, some of the first year students trickling in from Hogsmeade. The brunt of most of the students, the ones that live in the muggle society, were to arrive in five minutes or so, and that was if there were no issues on the train.

Already, he disliked half of the people in his year and prayed to whatever god there might've been that he wasn't stuck with any of them. He hadn't been approached by more than two people, probably because of height, and the first one was a teacher to tell him he couldn't listen to his music quite yet.

So far there had only been a handful of people Kei thought he could handle; one being an old friend. Yamaguchi was glancing around excitedly, eyes wide as he tried soaking everything despite having already been informed of Hogwarts and having already seen pictures.

That was the only downside to being a muggle - born witch or wizard; you never know what to expect. In the letter, everything is so vague, you never know what to expect or what'll happen. Some kids don't even go because of how scared they are, regardless of the curiosity of going to the elusive Hogwarts

After the war between Voldemort's army and the Ministry so many years ago, Hogwarts was destroyed and completely obliterated. Thus, the Ministry saw this as a chance to recreate Hogwarts; sure it had the same structure and basics, but, now everything had a more modern touch to it.

After what felt like a million years, more students came trickling in but Kei felt one of his eyes twitch at the noises they brought with them. At least the non - muggle borns had the decency to stay somewhat silent.

"Whoooaaaa!~" turning his head, Kei saw a head full of orange locks jumping up and down excitedly; could've mistaken him for another Weasly had he not met the family before, "Ne, ne, Kageyama - kun; look at that!~"

Kei assumed it was this 'Kageyama' that clicked his tongue before smacking the boy upside the head to get him to calm down, "Shut up, idiot, you'll draw attention."

The orange haired boy pouted, bottom lip jutting out as he followed after the ravenette and lost the bounce he had in his step. However, the bounce returned as the ball of sunshine started shattering again, much to the blonde's chagrin, "I wonder what house I'll be put in; I really hope Gryffindor! I heard that the 'Little Giant' was in Gryffindor when he was on the quidditch team!"

"Tch," the noise let Kei's mouth before he could really stop himself, nose turning up at the mention of the Little Giant.  The ginger turned towards him, eyes wide as he looked up at the 179cm boy and face crinkling in confusion.

"Who're you?" It was a seemingly innocent question, but Kei already disliked the boy, the pure innocence and inquisitiveness pissing the taller male off.

"As if that's any of your business, Shrimpy - chan," was the retort Kei gave and his lips turned up into a smile as the face of Hinata started scrunching up with anger or embarrasment, Kei couldn't tell because the red haired male's cheeks heated up red either way.

"Oi," Attention turned to Kageyama, who, after watching their exchanged, decided to pipe in with his own opinion, "Megane, I think you should keep your own opinions to yourself."

"Ohoho, what do we have here?" Kei's smile widened as he noticed, finally, who the raven haired boy was that was with Hinata, "King of the Broom? What're you doing here, I was sure you'd go straight to year three with that talent of yours!~"

The raven haired boy's eyes narrowed at the mention of the nickname that had managed to stick with him from his younger days of juvinille actions, and the condescending tone that the blond haired megane used was definitely not making it any better, "Don't call me that, Aho."

"Why?~ Is the King a little sour on that subject? I don't see why, a King has to rule harshly with an iron fist, you'll lose your followers if you don't get a stiff upper lip," Kei's nose tilted up at his own words, a harsh smirk on his lips as he placed a hand on his hip and turned as Professor Takeda came into view, his colleague, Ukai, standing next to him with his hands in his robes.

"U - Um, hello everyone and welcome to Hogwarts, I want to inform you of what whill be taking place in the dining hall and then once you are with your house, your prefect will take control, alright?" the shorter man's words came out as a stutter at first, however as he continued to speak the words gained confidence and Ukai nodded his head in appreciation.

"If everyone will follow the two of us, please don't make too much of a commotion when we enter, unless you want to look like fools," Kei could imagine the taller professor with a cigarette in his hands and was almost surprised at the fact he didn't have one, hands still shoved deep inside his pockets.

The large group of first years walked up the stairs, voices mingling and intertwining as they got excited, eyes bright and excited with wonder. Perhaps the light that was lost for Kei's eyes might've noted them at the fact he was not the same as them, his faith in his own power and potential lost and annihilated but sometimes people are much too caught up in their own world's to care about anyone else's.

The dining hall was the same as it had always been, the candles floating in the sky as the ceiling was the night, stars over head in the proper constellations and Kei's eyes softened at the noticings he'd made, eyes focused on them as he walked forward. He'd only stopped when the soft chatter around the room caught his attention, easily looking around. He was still taller than most of the first years, perhaps that's why so many people were staring at him or maybe it was the iridescent hair that sat on his head; maybe he'd never know for sure.

"First to wear the sorting hat is..." a shorter man, perhaps a little heavier set, with white hair spoke, voice booming around the room as he spoke, "Yamaguchi Tadashi."

Kei's eyes followed the olive haired friend he'd had for so many years walk in front of the crowd of wizards, the fidgeting an obvious indication that the boy was nervous. It wasn't a worry though, and Tadashi got Hufflepuff, a house where he would flourish, most definitely.

The list went on, and Kei knew he was probably around the last of the people, since it was organized by the power of your family; the strongest of the muggle - born to the strongest of the wizard born. It was moments like these that he enjoyed the power his family had; by the time his name was called, half the students would be too preoccupied trying to welcome the first years and unable to pay attention to anyone at the sorting hat.

The king and his bouncy haired friend, whom Kei learned was Hinata Shoyou, had both gotten Gryffindor and a few other random people he didn't notice got into their respective houses. A tall, gangly boy with shockingly silver hair had gotten into Slytherin, a small and fidgety young girl with much yellower hair than Kei himself had gotten into Hufflepuff and a boy with strangely pushed up black hair had gotten into Gryffindor ( Kei briefly head Hinata yell something about a turnip, however he started ignoring everyone at this point )

Lo and behold, Kei was the last name on the list and therefore the last first year left standing. By this point, everyone was staring at him as he made his way to the stool, their stares hot against his back. As he turned around, resting against the stool instead of on it, his only snarky thought was 'how the hell did the sorting hat manage to survive the war?'

"Oh, I may not have hands, but I'm not defenseless," was the hat's response and the right side of Kei's lips turned up into a smirk, "With that sort of attitude, I'd have to say... Slytherin!"

Cheers erupted from that side of the room, the green cloaked students glad to have gotten such a well known name and Kei made his way to the table, knowing full well his newly specified robes would be waiting for him in his room. Akiteru had explained the whole process to him in great detail when he'd gotten home from his first year in Hogwarts and it was one of the main reasons that Kei had wanted to go so badly; falling in love with everything.

Kei felt a pair of eyes on him, which was strange seeing as he knew that a few eyes were on him as he sat down at the Slytherin table, but brushed it off and sat as far away from the other students in the house.

For an eleven year old, he was quite dis attached from the others and to be quite honest, he really just needed a nap. His day was quite busy since his mother had decided to have him try out his broom riding skills and he'd really only known how to ride one for a month.

Pulled from his thoughts, a boy with a tangled mess of hair had slid into the seat next to him and Kei looked up briefly, raising an eyebrow before spotting a small white cake with red strawberries on the top. He grabbed the plate with lithe fingers as the boy in front of him spoke, “So, Tsukishima-san, are you related to Tsukishima Akiteru?”

Ah, of course the first thing someone would ask him would be this, “Yes, Akiteru is my older brother. Is there a reason why you're talking to me?”

“Can't I be a nice upperclassman and talk to one of my new underclassmen? Besides, he was a friend and asked for me to look out for you when you came,” The boy's hair was a dark brown, with half of it covering his right eye and the other seemingly pushed up and back, forming some sort of contrasting strangeness Kei didn't know if he wanted to get know, “I'm Kuroo Tetsurou, a third year.”

“Ah, you seem very much like the 'nice upperclassman' sort, the hair does nothing to help that, however. You may like to look into a hair cut,” he spoke back with a soft snark that Kuroo definitely caught, lips curling into a smirk. Kei picked up a fork, taking a piece of the sweet strawberry shortcake and bring it to his mouth, savoring the sweetness, “However, there are many other first years you could direct your attention to, so if you'll please leave me be.”

“Alright, alright, I can know when I'm not wanted,” holding his hands in surrender, Kuroo stood up and Kei was strangely disappointed the thirteen year old didn't push on talking to him more. Kuroo's lips curled into a wider smirk at this point as he shoved his hands into the folds of his Slytherin robes, standing and looking down at the sitting boy as he lifted his head a little, “I didn't catch your name, though.”

“I never said it,” was Kei's short reply before he shrugged his shoulders. In his opinion, Kuroo acted much older than he really was, and Kei wanted to know why he was the he was, “You know my brother though, I assume. He'd have to have mentioned me at some point.”

“Probably, I just have a really bad memory is all.”

“I'm Tsukishima Kei.”

“Mm, nice to meet you, Tsukki, I'll see you around!~”

“What the hell did you just call m–” Kei, however, was unable to finish his sentence as the boy in question quickly walked away with a wave of the hand and wink of the eye.

“Catch you later!~”


	2. Your Robes Smell of Sardines

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kuroo fails, Kei succeeds and Bokuto and Akaashi scheme.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not edited, so sorry for any sort of mistakes but I may actually be extending this book to more than a few chapters seeing as this may be a slow build. Also a small bit of swearing in here, so sorry my loves.
> 
> Anyways, hope you enjoy the new chapter and kudos, comments and whatever are always appreciated!~ Sorry about how long this chapter took to post, I got a bit of writer's block for a week.

Kei sniggered behind a hand as he watched the wails of his upperclassman friend turn louder and louder with each passing moment, shaking his head with a shrug of his shoulders. Soon, however, Kei abandoned laughing at his friend's pity and instead exchanging it with chiding him, “Honestly, Kuroo–san, this is what you get for playing Wizard's Chess with Kozume–san after class instead of studying.”

As it would happen, Kuroo had managed to flunk the OWLs for Defense Against the Dark Arts, Herbology and Potions, managing only an Poor on two tests and a Dreadful on another and due to his grades in said classes, he was now only a grade above Kei, intellectually in those three classes. However, he passed with flying colors in Charms, Transfiguration, History of Magic and Astronomy, even managing an Outstanding in Charms and Transfiguration.

“Tsukki!! Stop laughing at my misery! I really tried studying for DADA but it's utterly exhausting! My parents have already taught me half the spells, I just don't know the dictionary definitions and 'which spell or curse will be most likely to cause severe internal injury' Can't all spells and curses cause internal injury?!" Kuroo whined loudly and Kei almost sighed aloud, rolling his eyes at the boy that was, currently, trying to force his way into Kei's line of sight.

“That would be Antonin Dolohov's Curse, a nearly lethal curse that requires, at a minimum, ten potions a day to erase said effects. It's one of the few curses in which it is specified in any book you find that internal injury is a definite,” Kei looked up from his desk, where all of his papers laid with the fancy print of 'Astronomy' drawled across the front of his dark blue textbook, finally allowing his gaze to drop wearily on the older male, “It's really quite a wonder that you managed to get Dreadful for DADA and Outstanding for Charms.”

“That's quite rude, Tsukki, you need to be nicer to your seniors,” Kuroo chastised the blond boy and raised an eyebrow at the textbooks laid out in front of him, eye's caught on one familiar text book Kuroo had seen all year long, “Why do you have a fifth year DADA book? You're only a third year, not even, you're a fourth year now, aren't you?”

“Yes, a fourth year now Kuroo, as you are a sixth year. Anyways, Headmaster Tanji had apparently had a talk with Professor Ukai, who sang my praises in some classes. So, he had me take a fifth year examination in DADA, Charms and Transfiguration,” Kei explained, watching Kuroo lay back on Kei's bed with a large flop, black robes contrasting harshly against his white bed sheets. Kuroo looked at him like a kicked puppy, eyes wide and bottom lip jutting out to show a sort of sheen color.

“And..? Did you pass them? Tsukki, could it possibly be that we could be in the same class next year?! Woe is me, my junior is almost as smart as me, if not smarter!” Kuroo draped an arm across his eyes dramatically with most of his face covered with his robes.

“I haven't even told you if I passed yet...” Kei mumbled and shook his head at the robe; was it necessary for Kuroo to always wear it? Kei, himself, was in what was worn underneath the robe, something new added after the end of the old Ministry; tan khakis, a white button up shirt ( of which the sleeves were rolled to his elbows ) with a black sweater vest over top of it. On the vest's neckline was black and silver decorations and over the heart, on the left side was the tell-tale Slytherin emblem, “Anyways, old man, I did in fact pass all three because my parents had... been very insistent on what my studies would be like.”

“I'm best friends with a genius--”

“--Who said we were best friends?”

“--and Bo will never believe me when I tell him I managed Outstandings after I tell him about the Dreadful I scored... shit!” Kuroo had ignored Kei's comment with good reason, hands now covering his face as a loud groan resonated within the back of his throat, “Here lies Kuroo Tetsurou, great friend with awesome hair and terrible DADA skills, murdered by a fucking owl that has weirdly good betting skills.”

“I assume Bokuto–san bet that you'd fail DADA?” Kei turned back to his Astronomy homework, already despising his teacher for assigning homework on the first day back from summer break. Honestly, who really gave homework on the first day? Professor Nekomata really wanted to kill them, didn't he?

Kei was fairly content with his four years at Hogwarts, steadily advancing in all of his classes to the point he could be boosted into an upper class. Not to mention he could forever use this as teasing material against Kuroo, another great thing to have come from his time at the school; no matter how much he vehemently denied the fact that they were friends.

Kuroo was nice, for lack of a better word. He had grown into a fine sixteen year old boy with an attractiveness that Kei couldn't deny and he'd gained the attention of many younger, not to mention older girls at the school with a charming smile and a bravado that kept them coming back for more. Kuroo often complained to the blond about it during the break after lunch with the random 'are you even listening to me, Tsukki?!' thrown in occasionally.

And being friends with Kuroo meant being friends with his friends; such as Bokuto, Akaashi, Kozume, Lev, and a few others that were in the same house and others. They were fairly friendly, though Bokuto and Lev were a little bit too much energy for him to handle on a good day.

“He did! The sneaky bastard now has the privilege to do whatever spell he wants on me and knowing him, he probably looked up something ridiculous like Cantis or that one time he performed a sardine hex on me! It took four hours for the sardines to stop fucking falling out of my mouth and nose; it was so gross!”

“While I believe Bokuto would look up spells to perform on you, Cantis is a spell for hair falling out and you know he would never do that to your hair,” Kei hummed back quietly, pencil flitting along the paper quickly with a lead residue and only now glanced up to see Kuroo groaning into his hands again before grabbing his phone from his pocket, quickly calling the student in mention and putting it on speaker phone, “Yo, Bo!”

“Tetsu? You never call unless you need something? What's up!” Bokuto's voice came out slightly grainy but Kei only knew that Kuroo's phone wasn't as great as it could be; wizards and witches found so many new spells to enhance the quality of sounds and find service practically anywhere ( Kei, himself, had about 7 hexes on his phone to improve it )

“So about the bet before... you may have been right.. I got Dreadful on my DADA...”

Kei jumped as he heard the loud whoop of victory from his Gryffindor friend and raised an eyebrow, lips tilting into a sinister smile as he heard the cry of success turn into a overjoyed laughter, “HAHAHA, YOU ARE SO IN FOR IT. AKAASHI HELPED ME WITH SOME NEW SPELLS TO PERFORM. MEET ME IN THE COMMONS IN TEN MINUTES.”

Bokuto quickly hung up the phone after Kei was able to catch a soft 'People are staring...' of who he assumed was Akaashi, the Ravenclaw and Gryffindor pair rarely seen apart from each other. Kei was fairly sure they were dating but honestly, he didn't care if they were. It was truly their own choice if they wanted to be or not, thought many people from both houses were secretly rooting for that couple to work out.

“Welp, time to seal my fate, Tsukki,“ Kuroo groaned as he stood from the bed, stretching out his loose limbs and wincing at the soft popping noises that came from his joints falling back into place. Kei looked up from his work and tried determining how much time the rest of his homework would need before deciding that it was fine and that he'd have enough time to finish it. Standing, he followed as Kuroo started making his way to the steps of the Slytherin common room, walking around and towards the main commons of Hogwarts.

“Honestly, next time I'm about to agree to a bet with Bokuto, just perform a spell on me, please,” Kuroo begged as they walked side by side, hands brushing faintly as they made their way along the hallways and Kei just let a soft snort escape before shaking his head, a bemused expression on his features.

“Perhaps next time I should perform the sardine hex so you'll be unable to speak?” Kei snickered at the disbelieving whine that left Kuroo's lips, glancing at the black haired male out of the corner of his eye and fingers sliding the black frames resting on the bridge of his nose up farther.

“The fact that you even mention that– that awful, horrid and, Merlin knows, disgusting hex to me is just — Tsukki, you're a cruel man,” Kuroo cried dramatically, gaining a few glances from the students around the but those were brief and didn't last much longer due to the fact that Kuroo and Bokuto often had these outbursts, “Do you know how long I smelled like sardines?! It took a week for the smell to fade completely and even then, my clothes stunk so badly!”

Kei couldn't stop snickering at his upperclassman's misfortune, which had somehow managed to put a smile on Kuroo's face and Kei really hated admitting that Kuroo had a nice smile, so he wouldn't. For now.

Walking into the commons, Kei spotted the dual hair colored boy immediately and allowed his eyes to flicker briefly to the shorter boy beside him, locking eyes with the latter and giving the a short nod, receiving one in return before Kuroo's voice pulled him from his thoughts, “Alright you dumb owl, I'm ready for whatever stupid spell you have prepared to cast on me.”

Bokuto grinned devilishly, Akaashi's lips pulled up into something that resembled a smirk; Kei was more concerned with watching Bokuto point at Kuroo and yelling a spell as loud as could, drawing attention from the people around them and now forming a small crowd.

“Tarantallegra!”

Of course, it sounded like a bunch of mumble-jumble to a muggle born wizard ( such as Kuroo himself ) but to Kei and any other pure blood, that spell was all too familiar. It wasn't a bad spell, per se, just an annoying one performed on younger siblings by their older ones.

Kei couldn't help the snort that escaped him as he watched Kuroo's legs move of their own accord, the spell quickly taking effect as the sixth year danced around like a crazy person and Kei walked towards Bokuto and Akaashi as the small crowd laughed, recording the entire scene before them on their phones to, no doubt, post it on some sort of social media platform.

“How did you guys come up with this one?” Were the words that left his lips lazily as he stood next to the pretty Chaser, facing Kuroo ridiculous dancing as his feet stomped rhythmically to some sort of unheard dance beat, “I'm surprised someone like you, Bokuto, had the talent to perform such a complicated sounding spell. Though, for you, it might've just been pronouncing it with the right infliction that might have stumped you.”

“Excuse you,” was Bokuto's first reply, sassily jutting a hip as he held a single finger up at Kei, wiggling it back and forth rapidly, “I'll have you know that Akaashi helped me with it and it only took me three tries to get right!”

“Yes, it's true,” Akaashi supplied helpfully, head bobbing with a slight nod as Kei turned his gaze towards the shorter of three, “My older brother used to perform it on me all the time, so I've kinda picked it up after a while.”

“My brother used to do the same, but I never bothered learning the spell since he was always groveling for forgiveness after he'd done,” Kei had a content look on his face, thinking back to some fond memories of when he was younger when an ugly cry for help pulled him from his thoughts. Turning around with a few steps, he looked up at Kuroo flailing his arms with his feet tapping and moving rapidly to a fairly familiar beat.

“HOW LONG IS THIS SUPPOSED TO FUCKING LAST?”

-

Kei remembers being alone a lot when he was younger, watching his parents work together from a distance and carefully examining his brother playing volleyball or something with his friends, a quiet hope inside of him waiting to be asked to join. But then his parents started fighting, something about his father working later at night and how he didn't smell the same anymore, his scent taking a more feminine perfume. He didn't take well to that, yelling at Kei's mom about how little faith she had in him and she started crying, yelling at him about everything she'd held back for seven years.

His father left them two years after that, when Kei was about 9.

The blond was honestly grateful his mother even let him go to Hogwarts, since Akiteru was rarely around anymore due to his job in a well known Quidditch store in Diagon Alley and she was lonely most of the time, not having anything in her to try and find new love. 

Kei's ideas of love were twisted, morphed and contorted due to his mother's gazes out the window as if waiting for a man that wasn't going to return, Akiteru coming out to his best friend as gay before being called a faggot by everyone he had known, by Yamaguchi telling the girl he liked that he liked her and only being told that he wasn't man enough for her. For every time he tried letting himself love and only being disappointed or destroyed in the end.

Love was stupid and fickle, why offer your heart to someone else when your own hands were just as good as someone else's. He didn't need someone holding his hand or kissing his lips, telling him that they loved him because he didn't need that in his life, he really just needed himself.

When he turned ten, not yet attending Hogwarts, his mother told him the reason why his father was never coming home and why to never expect to see him again. That would never be the last time he'd cry on his birthday, but it would be the time he cried his hardest, asking 'why? did i do something, is there anything i can do to bring him back?' before being told that no, there was nothing anyone could've done. There was nothing keeping their father from leaving them and Akiteru hadn't shed a tear that day, instead keeping his fists clenched. He'd excused himself to from the home, leaving his blubbering baby brother and mourning mother in his wake only to return with bloodied knuckles.

Even now, with tears streaming down his face and knees pulled to his chest, he could remember that not a single drop of remorse could've been found on Akiteru's face, but he definitely remembered his mother's proud look as she cleaned the boy's fists, whispering quiet reassurances that everything would be okay.

Having panic attacks were not an uncommon thing, not for Kei anyways, and he'd even managed to go on a field trip with one without anyone noticing, so he'd prided himself on the fact. Not that it was something he should be proud of but it kept him going, kept his feet moving and his head high.

He had his first panic attack in front of Kuroo in his fourth year, about three months after the Bokuto Tarentallegra incident and it wasn't anything major, just a normal one for the blond so he didn't make a big deal of it, like he would with a worse one. He just kept some ibuprofen on him at all times and kept his hands clasped in front of him, jaw clenched tight as he felt the panic inside of him dip and curve into every crevice, even seeing a swirl of black curl across his vision before disappearing.

Kuroo had pulled him aside after Oikawa, an annoying sixth year that insisted on befriending him and calling him 'Megane – kun~,' had brought up parents and Christmas break, Kei immediately tensing up when Oikawa asked about his parents. It wasn't as if he was ashamed of what happened between his parents, but he didn't feel that people he rarely talked with anyways deserved to know such things. His parents had always been a touchy subject.

Kei had started tearing up as soon as Kuroo tried talking to him, words of saccharine quality and a tone so velvety smooth falling from his lips that it made Kei feel... normal. Kei never told Kuroo he was having a panic attack, instead pulling him into a hug and saying he missed home a little, warmth spreading through him when strong hands pressed against his back and lips pressed against his temple, telling him it was okay to miss something.

Panic attacks were just a burden to Kei, something extra he had to deal with during his days but it was during a panic attack when Kei realized he was in love with Kuroo Tetsurou.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the ending, it's really rushed since I've been having a hard time writing but I hope you enjoy; the KuroTsukki is finally apparent now!!~


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